Episode #101

Outside near a stopped train a heard of cows and a train conductor are standing.
Conductor:: Hey you Cows can't come on this train. This is a people train. You cows have no buissness on a people train, alright. No, No, no, no, don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, becuase it ain't gonna work, alright.
A police car pulls up near by with the cop from earlier in it.
Cop-: Hold it right there cows
The cows run away
Cop:: Come back here
He leaves to chase after the cows. In the cafetoria in school the gang is waiting on line for there food. Cartman farts.
Cartman: Ow! I sure am hungary.
Stan: How can you eat when your farting fire?
Cartman: Shut up dude, your being immature
Kyle:,dd>Look, here comes Wendy Testaburger
Stan:: Where?
< i >Wendy walks over to them, Stan grins widley.
Cartman:: Singing Stan wants to kiss, Wendy Testaburger.
Stan: Shut up, fatass, I don't even like her.
Cartman: I'm not fat, and you obvisouly do like her becuase you throw up everytime she talks to you.
Stan: I do not
Wendy: Hi guys
Cartman + Kyle:: Hi wendy
Wendy: Hi Stan, this is for you
She hands him a note, Stan pukes
Wendy: Ewww!
She leaves
Cartman + Kyle: Bye Wendy
Kyle: Dude, what does the note say?
Stan: Holy Crap, it says she wants to meet me after school at starks pond
Kyle: Whoa! Maybe you can kiss her
Cartman: Or slip her the tounge
Kenny says something
Stan: What? How do you know she has a cat?
They all laugh
Kyle: C'mon guys we have to gigure out how to het out of school so I can get my little brother back
They walk up to the lunch counter, where Chef is serving Lunch
Chef: Hey Children
All: Hi Chef
Chef: How are you doing
Kyle: Kyle
Chef: Why bad?
Kyle: Chef, did you ever have something bad happen to you, but nobody believed you?
Chef: Aw, children, children, thats a problem we all have to face at one point or another. Here let me sing you a little song. It might clear things up. (Singing)
I'm gonna make love to your woman
Gonna lay her down by the fire
and crease you womanly body
and make her moan and perspire
gonna get those juices flowing
were making love baby, love baby, love..
Kyle: Chef.... uh.. chef, CHEF!
Chef:: You feel better
Kyle: No
Chef: C'mon children, what could be so bad, it's salsberry steak day
Stan: Visitors took Kyle's baby brother
Chef: What! (< i >drops trey of food) What the hell were you think your doing in school eating salsberry steak, damn it, go out and find him.
Stan: Mr. Garrison won't let us out of school,he thinks were making it up
Cartman:: You are making it up
< i >Cartman farts fire once again, this time a little robot comes part way out, looks around, then goes back into Cartman
Stan: Whoa!
Cartman:: What
Kyle: That was cool
Chef: It's some kind of symbotic metamorphisis device. This could mean the visitors want to communcate with us.
Cartman: Oh, I see, now your gonna join in on the little joke.
Chef: It's no joke children. This is big.
Kyle: Please Chef, if I don't get out of school and get my little brother back, my parents are gonna disown me
Chef: Hold, Hold on, gotta help the children
Cartman: You guys are going a long way to scare me, I want my Salsbarry steak.
< i >Chef goes over to a fire alarm, and pulls it
Chef: Fire drill, fire drill, everybody out. Ok children this is your chance
Stan: Killer, thanks chef.
Chef: Man, oh, man. First contact with the alien visitors. I got to get myself ready.
< i >Outside, walking down a street.
All (< i >Singing): We got out of school, No more school today..
< i >Cartman farts more fire
Cartman:: Ow, my ass, seriously
Stan:: OK, Cartman you can stop farting fire now.
Cartman: I would if I could you son of a bitch.
Kyle: OK, so how do we get my little brother back?
Cartman: Will you guys stop going on. I know it was just a dream, I know I didn't have an anal probe, and I know I'm not under alien control
< i >A beam comes down and hits Cartman
Cartman(< i >Dancing and singing): I like to singa about the moona and the juna and the springa; I love to singa about the sky of blue, or tea for two.
Stan: What the hell was that?
Kyle: He is under alien control, that thing in his butt is connected with the visitors
Cartman: Son of a bitch
Cartman: You guys shut up, I'm not under alien control
Kyle(Shouting into Cartman's ear): Hey, if you guys can hear me, bring me back my baby brother, god damn it!
Two UFOs fly near
Stan: Kyle, look it's them
Kyle: Give me back my brother
Kyle picks up a rock and throws it at a UFO. It then fires back and hits kenny causing him to fly into a street
Stan: Oh my god, they killed kenny
Kyle: You bastards, come back here. Damn it, we were so close
The UFOs fly away
Stan: Hey look, Kenny's OK
Kenny gets up, but a hurd of cows come by and run him over, Kenny gets up again, but is run over by a Cop Car chasing the cows. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman walk over to kenny's body
Stan: Wow, poor kenny
Kyle: Now do you believe us Cartman?
Cartman: No!
Kyle: Cartman, they killed Kenny
Cartman: He's not dead
Stan: Dude, he's dead
Stan pokes Kenny with a stick
Cartman: Shut up you guys
Kyle: He's dead Cartman
Kyle pulls Kenny's head off
Cartman: I did not have an anal probe! Screw you guys, I'm going home
Kyle: Go on and go home, you fat chicken! Your all I have left Stan
Stan: Sorry dude, I have to go meet Wendy Testaburger
Kyle: You can't, poor Ike must be so scared, up there all alone, dude you gotta help
Stan: Dude, like Chef said, I gotta get 'n lovin while the gettin's hot
A bunch of rats are now Climbing all over Kenny, and his head rolls away
Kyle: Rats!
At Cartman's house, Cartman comes home and is greated by his Mon.
Mon: Hello Eric
Cartman: Hi, mom
mom: How are you?
Cartman: I'm pissed off
mom: Look, I made you powdered donut pancake surprise
Cartman: I don't want powdered donut pancake surprise, all the kids at school call me fat
mom: Your not fat, your big boned
Cartman: Thats what I say
mom: You can have an eencey weencey bit, can't you?
Cartman: No
mom: just an eencey weencey woo-woo
Cartman: no, leave me alone mom
mom: How about a chocolate chicken pot pie then
Cartman: Well that does sond pretty good (sits on couch), mom
mom: yes hon?
Cartman: If anybody calls or comes over. I'm not home, ok
mom: OK, you want cheesy poofs too?
Cartman: Yegh, I want cheesy poofs
At Starks Pond, Kyle and Stan wait
Kyle: Look likes she's not gonna show up, lets go and look for the visitors now
Stan: But the note said she would be here
Wendy appears behind Stan
Wendy: Hi stan
Stan throws up
Wendy: eww!
You can't talk to stan wendy, he throws up when you do
Eandy: But, why Stan (Stan throws up) Ewww!
Kyle: Can you guys get down to buisness so I can go find my younger brother? Just make love down by the fire.
Wendy: Huh? What happend to your little brother?
Cartman is sitting, watching TV
TV news broadcaster: As the amount of UFO reports come in, more strange patterns are appearing in fields all over south park
Camera pans out to show that the crop circle looks just like Cartman
Cartman: Hey, that kind of looks like.... Tom Selek
TV: Could it be that aliens aretrying to make contact with us, here on Earth
Kitty walks into the room and meows at Cartman
Cartman: No, kitty, it's my pot pie (Cat meows) no, it's not for cats (Meow) No, kitty it's not for cats< i >(Meow) Mon! Kitty's being a dildo
Mom: Well then, I know a certain kitty kitty thats sleeping with me tonight
Cartman: What?
< i >Back at the pond
Kyle: Now If I go home without him, my parents are gonna have me killed
Wendy: Well, why don't you go get the fat kid?
Kyle: Why?
Kyle: If the fat kid has something planted in his ass, maybe the aliens are using him as part of there plan. You should use the fat kid as bate to bring them back
Kyle: Hey, your right, c'mon stan, we have to go get Cartman
Wendy: C'mon Stan (Stan pukes) Ewww!
Stan: Hey wait, when do I get to make sweat love?
Back at Cartman's House
Cartman: No, kitty you can't have any. (Meow) No kitty, this is my pot pie
Cartman farts causing kitty to catch fire, and run away
Cartman: Excuse me kitty
Mom comes in with Stan, Kyle, and Wendy
Mon: Eric, look who's here
Mon: Go away, Mom
Stan: C'mon were gonna play at the bus stop
Cartman: I can't, my mom said ......
Mom: That's OK, I think you need to spend more time with your little friends
Cartman: But mom, I don't want to
Mom: Don't be difficult Eric, now go out and play in the fun snow
Cartman: God, damn it
Outside at night, Cartman has one leg tied to a tree
Cartman: You guys, I have to go home
Stan: Don't be such a scardy cat Cartman. That rope will make sure they can't take you on board again
Cartman: Man, this sucks
Kyle: How come the visitors aren't coming for him?
Stan: I think we have to signal for them somehow
Cartman farts
Wendy: Wow, he's like Rudolph
Kyle: Yegh, all you have to do is fart some more Cartman, and the visitors are sure to come
Cartman: Um..really.. I don't think I have to fart anymore tonight
Kyle: Sure you do
Stan: C'mon Cartman, fart!
Cartman: I don't wanna
He can't hold it in forever
Kyle: Fart! Damn you!
Cartman: That's it, why is it today, that everything has involved something either going in, or coming out of my ass? I'm sick of it!
Cartman farts, this time causing a large satellite dish to come out his ass
Kyle: Look at that
Stan: Now do you believe us Cartman?
Cartman: You guys can't scare me, I know your all making it up
Stan: Cartman, theres a 80 foot satellite dish coming out your ass
Cartman: Sure you guys, whatever
< i >A signal is sent out of the dish into space, Chef sits in a chair in his backyard watching
Chef: Oh boy, aliens are gonna make first contact. Hey, down here we are ready for your wisdom! And you only got 20 minutes 'till Sanford and Son is on!
Cartman: You guys, I'm pissed off! I know theres no such things as aliens, god damn it!
< i >A group of UFOs are now hovering above, Mr. Garrison's car drives by
Mr. Garrison: I tell you, there are some crazy stuff going on in this town
Mr. Hat: You can say that again, Mr. Garrison
Kyle: Come down here, you stinkin aliens!
< i >Four aliens beam down
Stan: Go on Kyle, ask them for your little brother back
Kyle: Visitor, this morning you took my little brother, Ike, he's the little freakled kid that looks like a football. At first I was happy you took him away, but I learned something today, that having a little brother is a pretty special thing, oh heck Mr. Visitors I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world, but if you could find it in your hearts, or whatever you have to bring my little brother back, it sure would make life brighter again.
Stan: That was beutiful Kyle
Stan: Thanks, did it work
Stan: No, they're leaving
< i > This begins a alot of cursing by Kyle that is pretty much just one big beep. After a door opens on one of the UFOs reaviling Ike standing there
Kyle: Ike, jump down, now! For the love of god, Jump!
< i >The hurd of Cows arrive, stopping in front of the Aliens. The Aliens talk to them by mooing
Alien (< i >translated): Greetings, Cows of earth, we come in piece
Cow: Really?
Kyle: C'mon Ike, I promise I'll be nice to you from now on.
Ike: Don't kick the baby
alien: We have experimented with all beings of this world, and we have learned you are the most intelligent and wise
Cartman: What the hell are they talking about?
Cow: Why did you turn some of us inside out?
Alien: That was Carls fault, he's new
Carl
Yegh, sorry about that, my bad
Alien: Take this device, it's a gift from us
< i >Alien gives a cow something that looks like a record player
Kyle: Ike, do your impersination of David Currosos Carear
Ike: It's my turn
< i >Ike jumps down, landing safely in a pile of snow. The satellite dish returns to inside of Cartman
Alien: Farewell Cows, may piece be with you
< i >The aliens beam away. Thae try to beam Cartman up, but the rope holds him back
Cartman: You guys, get me down from here
< i >Cartman farts, the rope burs up, and he floats up into a UFO, that fly away
Stan: I'm sure glad that's over with
Kyle: Boy am I glad to see you, Ike
Chef: Wait, where are you going alien visitors, Come back!
< i >Two women walk up to Chef
women: Well chef, where's this big surprise you had for us?
Chef: It's in the bedroom, come on in
Kyle: C'mon Ike, we can make it home for dinner
Stan: Thanks for your help, Wendy
Stan: Hey, I didn't throw up
Wendy: Cool
< i >They move into kiss, but Stan throws up on Wendy

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